Not only did I go to my Dad’s, he persuaded me to see if I could get back some comedy tickets I had got the ex for Christmas, which he binned. And I did. I rallied up a fellow comedy friend and off we went.
I was terrified like, bricking it. Being out of the house that long! every part of me was saying “don’t go!”. But I did it. And my god was it the best distraction. If only for an hour and a half I forgot the world, and my mind. There were moments of hurt, panic and sadness. Where I wondered why I was doing this.
But my god was he hilarious! I never knew the call of a barn owl could be integrated into a comedy gig!
I’m on a massive come down now. Bill Bailey was my MDMA for the evening (don’t worry I didn’t actually take MDMA). And today I’m feeling it. How can you have a come down from feeling glimpses of happiness?! It’s like I feel guilty and didn’t deserve to feel that way.
So here I am again. In the cyclone thoughts of my mind. Punishing myself for even thinking things could possibly be okay.
When will it end? (I’ve also just realised despite the positive aspects to going out, look at me turning it negative! I just can’t help it.)